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From Scotland to Vegas….LETS GO!!!!

THE POKER MONKEY…your Source for Perpetual Insanity!: From Scotland to Vegas….LETS GO!!!!

From Scotland to Vegas….LETS GO!!!!


Here I am. Sitting in a room of 5 super Alpha males, in Edinburgh, Scotland…after a whole day of travel, in which Delta managed to do the unthinkable, and NOT deliver my golf clubs while en route to a pre-planned (6 months in advance) $10,000 poker trip to the place where golf was invented. 

The trip started with me logging in on Sunday night, late, to check in for my 2pm flight out of Biloxi. After dicking around and getting a lot of error messages, I realized my damn passport was EXPIRED! Holy fuck! Nov 18, 2018! Shit!!!  So what did I do? Duh! Woke up at 6am, drove like a maniac in my new BMW to the New Orleans passport office…and got my passport renewed for another 10 years. This same damn thing happened a decade ago when I was slated to go to the Bahamas for a WPT Boot Camp. This time…it actually went smoother, and faster. Got back, got packed, and despite needing to tip the ticketing agent $50 to make sure my bags made it on…and then arguing with (yet) another petty Gulfport cop over the nuances over the word “parking” vs. “loading” and THEN…getting “randomly selected” for a full body search as they were holding the flight for me….I did make it on the plane. Incredibly. 

Got to Atlanta, no problem. Killed time in the Delta Sky Club. Boarded for Boston. Oh no. Rain. Hard rain. And wind. Closed the airport. NO! This isn’t happening! Granted…I already had a tight window of only 30-35 minutes for changing over to my Scotland flight once we landed in Boston. But now…this storm was really fucking with the program. We finally got airboard…and after three attempts to get it right…our CAPTAIN…who self-deprecatingly mocked his inability to figure out times and math…announced that we would be arriving at 9:36 for a flight that was scheduled for 9:46. Yikes. Turns out…they had 13 people on our plane flying to Edinburgh, so they held our flight. Upon de-planing..coming through the jetway…a couple comes up behind me…running…arms flailing…”excuse us…excuse us!!!!!”  Me: “Yeah…hey….we’re going the same place you are, honey.” HER: “Whatever! I don’t care! Good luck making your flight!!!”  Yeah okay…we made it. Not an issue. We are in 1st class. She and her dork boyfriend are in (literally) the last row of the plane. I intentionally went in search of them when I needed to go to the bathroom. Ah! Found them! She smirked…knowing I had gottten the best of them! Get back to my seat…and wonder, “hmmmm….I sure hope my bags made it on the flight.”

After two movies…one called “Destroyer” with Nicole Kidman…who in my opinion turned in one of her finest performances ever…and the other “Last Man” which caught a lot of heat because they didn’t feature the American flag or something…both really good movies. So…I slept NOT AT ALL. Get to Edinburg. We all get our bags. All but me and my golf clubs. A $10,000 golf trip, planned 6 months in advance…on a day where everything had so far, been going perfect…and NO fucking clubs. Unreal. But I’m not dwelling on it. We have an amazingly beautiful 6-bedroom house just outside of St Andrews….with a hot tub outside, and a practice range with putting green . Couldn’t ask for a better hook up! 

Earlier today, I found out we “won” the lottery where every day they hold a drawing for all these people doing golf junkets, to win a chance to play the Old St Andrews course. We are promised 5 courses to play on during our 5 days here. But to get on the Old Course is the Crown Jewel of golf! And we found out today that 3 of our 6 golfers…me, Barth (my best friend and business partner) and Barth’s dad….have won the right to play on Thursday at 4:20. Just need my clubs to show up now!!! And the other 3 in our group? I really hope they get picked too. But if my clubs don’t show up…I will give one of them my spot.

Hi! Did you come here looking for poker news? Great! We are now just…what? A week….a week, from the start of the Main Event!!?? Let me go check my spreadsheet…..hold on. 

347! Wow! That is nearly (3 shares shy) enough to fund the buy ins for SEVEN players in this year’s $10,000 Main Event! The past two years, as most of you know, we have had 8 players in the thing. My goal this year…was to hit 9 or 10. I mean 9 in 2019 would be kind of cool. But I feel like if we can get 10 in the mix….we are going to make it happen! I’ve named 5 players so far…which we achieved with 250 shares sold. But now…wow…look! I need to come up with TWO more players! Then start planning for the next one! Oh…we WILL get 8…I promise you….but can we make it to 9 or 10???? That….is the question. 

Alright Alright….Curious George….you wanna know who NUMBER 6 is? Fine! Here ya go! And the main reason I’m doing this is because I’m sitting here with a bunch of my homies from St Thomas…who just (between two of them) drank a BOTTLE of Jagermeister while I’ve had “only” 7 Smirnoff and cranberries. Plus is just needs to be taken care of. Confession here…I already gave him the news a few nights ago. I even asked for feedback about this guy on the Investment Group’s Private page on Facebook…and I won’t lie…I got a LOT of feedback…most of it great. Some of it…meh, nothing too bad. Rumor is…he doesn’t always wash his hands after taking a piss. And he only tips $1 for water instead of $2 like I do. Both of those, do not add up to being deal killers.

AND SO…..here……is your #6 Member of Monkey’s 2019 WSOP GRINDERS! (aka Minions) GO ahead and look him up yourself, for stats and all that. He applied way back…months ago…and I’ve been following him and doing a bit of research along the way. I think he’s the real deal. And I think he has the tools to go deep! So…without further adieu….please welcome to the squad….

DON DOVE!!!!  Or….Double D! I like that! Cuz…well….(never mind)

SO…check out this kick ass roster of Poker Rock Stars we have assembled so far….

Michael “Carwash” Schneider
Kristen Deardorff
Jerry Giroir
Jason Bond
Easton Oreman
and now….
Don Dove!

SIX TOTAL. and a very, very deep bench of players vying for the coveted #7, #8, #9 and #10 spots! No shortage of awesome candidates!

But we are running out of time! I’m here in Scotland (then London for the Yankees vs Red Sox game) for the week…then home for ONE day to do laundry and cut the grass…then out to Vegas to my players all set up! I will sell shares ($200 per share) up to the last minute. Official CUTOFF for selling shares? July 3rd…NOON! Western time.  Because my plane lands in Vegas around that time. I had my branch manager, and friend, Lorraine….from my Wells Fargo branch, arrange to have me be able to walk into the branch in Vegas…ask for an Amanda…and get the money I need to fun our players this summer…and NOT have to mule/backpack/ferry the cash to Vegas as I’ve done the past 5 years. That….pleases me. And comforts me…and probably a few of our investors. 

You want to buy a piece of this team? Like I said…shares are $200. I make ZERO off this endeavor. No fees. No commissions. None of that. I’m also a share holder. Currently I’ve committed to 15 shares. IF they don’t win? I don’t win. So yeah…I’m all in…every year…on this team! The investors hold a 65-35 edge. And if a player cashes…they get 35% of what they WIN….so the investors get the 10k investment back. There is nothing quite as inspiring and encouraging as a player…than to have 150-200 people who have invested in you…and have the ability to communicate with you through the private Faceboook page…to boost you up emotionally. The people who have been a part of this team the past 5 years…almost ALWAYS come back! Only in the first year (2014) did we NOT have a player make the money. Oh…they came close…but it was a bummer. Didn’t keep me from firing it back up in 2015…and ever since…we’ve had one or more make the money every year! Have we made money yet? I’m not gonna lie, or sugar coat it, or exaggerate it….we haven’t. We just about made back 50% every year. Which…most of the investors have agreed, is WORTH the sweat that is involved! But its coming, I know it is. Our YEAR…is coming. 

Now…some may be wanting to know, “Did they reinstate you, MOnkey?” After waiting, tirelessly, for 75 days…I finally got a letter from Hammond…and NO…they did NOT reinstate me. Yes…of course, I was extremely disappointed.  But I have nothing to say about it. Why bother. Anyone that knows me, or the situation… knows everything that needs to be know about it. And me. And I have nothing to gain (or lose) by saying anything about their response.  And…have I heard that El Dorado (whoever THAT is, right???) has agreed to purchase…or merge (terms vary depending on who you ask) with Caesar’s…and that may or may NOT affect my status as a player. I don’t care. I really don’t. I will go to Vegas….get my players all set up and ready to go…and enjoy my week at Encore! Playing some cash game. Maybe some tourneys at Wynn and Venetian. And basically…just crossing my collective fingers and hoping my players get deep! It should be a really fun and exciting three weeks of poker!

Do you want to buy a share? EMAIL ME….at ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com and I will get you taken care of. Lets see if we can’t go from 347 shares sold…to 500 shares sold!!!! Lets send 10 to the Desert!!!!! As for me? I’m going to bed! I’m shot!!!!


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