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The Hunt for Minions Continues!!!!

THE POKER MONKEY…your Source for Perpetual Insanity!: The Hunt for Minions Continues!!!!

The Hunt for Minions Continues!!!!


Happy May! Okay. Happy Middle O’May!

A bunch of you are currently toiling away at the WSOP circuit event in NOLA. Me, not so much. I’m busy hosting my mom, Squirrel’s mom, AND my brother Jimmy…who sleeps about 21.5 hrs a day.

I’ve been busy working on the Summer Grinders for the 4th consecutive year now…and now that my ‘big ballers’ have mostly re-upped for another run, the numbers are starting to get very respectable. As of today, I have run it up to 215 shares SOLD, with about 75% of them already paid for.

That locks us into FOUR players…3 of whom were previously named, and one of whom was added via a clarification I confused myself over. Robert Harwell, who was last summer’s highest finisher, will return to the squad as the accomplisher of that feat.

So…to date, Chris Canan, David Chocheles, Kenny Milam, and Robert Harwell, are all LOCKED IN and their shares accounted for. With 15 to spare.

Which gets me to the next order of business. The final 2 or 3. Last year we ran a brilliant little tourney, one that was the idea of Lord Puddingsworth, aka Kai Landry. It went so well, and I have such an abundance of applicants from the Gulf Coast area, that it made all the sense in the world to do it again. And this time, instead of 11 players…I can reasonably see us getting 20-25.

Picking the best time to do it was tricky. Having it while the WSOP circuit event is going on here means we have a lot more players in the area, with the opportunity to be here to play. The Main event is this coming weekend. They can either play in that on Friday OR Saturday OR both…if things don’t go so well. Kai’s place (The Manor) was a no-go…so we settled upon the place my friend and business partner Barth owns, in Metairie, to hold it. His only request? Please don’t do it Friday night! Okay. So on Saturday…Wild Bill Phillips, a 3-time Minion member is holding his own WSOP ME satellite tourney at Out of Bounds at high noon!

AHHH HAH! Well…I anticipate some people who will be playing in that, also happen to be some people who will want (and who have been invited by me) to play in a Wild Card Tourney to Find the Next Minion!!!! Hence…I have picked the time of 7pm (arrive by 6:30!) to run this tourney! And I will receive help from the aforementioned Wild Bill…as well as others, including 2017 Grinder Chris Canan, who has offered to be a dealer for the event.

The cost will be $450. Of that, $400 will guarantee each participant two SHARES ($200 per share) owned for this summer’s team. So by playing they are already a likely winner of some amount (because SOMEONE is DEFINITELY going deep this summer!!!!!) The other $50 is for admin costs to run the tourney. If you think you are up to my standards for consideration for the team? And would like to participate? Shoot me an email at ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com

I would like to have a pretty good idea of how many players we will have (ballpark) by Saturday morning, even Friday night…so we can kind of plan accordingly. Barth has a really great set up at Out of Bounds…so it should go off without any real headaches!


Hey! Are you a poker player who owes me money? Well…there are a lot of you out there. And I’m just warning you…I’m getting less and less patient in my old(er) age. I’ve been awfully laid back about this topic the last 5-10 years…but I find myself getting real cranky lately. And the more I listen to old-school rap and hear them talking about disrespect and what-not? The more I start to understand the motivation behind some of their actions.

See…even if I don’t NEED the money, necessarily? It is starting to, more and more, irritate me that some of you chumps are sitting there laughing at me. Thinking to yourselves (perhaps) “pffft! Ha! Fuck that guy! What’s he gonna do? Seriously? I ain’t payin that dick!”

Well. See, first of all YOU are the one who is a DICK. Second…karma also has a way of catching up with losers like you. (though I’m getting old, and waiting for karma to get you? I’m kind of OVER that) Third. I DO actually have a number of people who have offered their ‘collection’ services to me. And no…I don’t know HOW they go about collecting from deadbeat losers. I don’t. And I don’t want to. All I know…is if I get 75% of what you owe me? I’m happy. As for finding you? It’s amazing how easy it is for these guys. I don’t know what they do or how they do it. But they do it.

Look. Those squares you took? That you KNOW I always pay out 100% to the winners on? Nobody put a gun to your head and told you to try and become a big winner when Janikowski made that huge game-winning FG. He missed. It’s not MY fault. You still owe the money! I still paid the winners. Out of MY own pocket…since you decided to be a douchebag with no morals. And frankly? I’ve given you plenty of time to pay. And I’m sick of playing Mr. Nice Guy.

So I think I’ve come up with a game plan. I think I’m going to give ALL OF YOU until JULY 1st to pay me what you owe me. Or watch you come up with a really believable story that convinces me that you’re “good for it.” (a phrase I hate almost as much as “check is in the mail.”

And once that date passes? And since it will coincide perfectly with the start of the Main Event? And I know a lot of you will be out there trying to get people to back you? Well…I can almost promise you that NOBODY will want to touch you with a ten-foot pole after I torch your ass on this blog. Nope. You will be what we like to call ‘radioactive!’ 

Pictures. Stories. Yeah. Those two combined? Tell a 1000-words. And if you think it makes me an asshole for doing that to you? And your falsely-earned ‘good’ reputation? Well…you are wrong. You NEED to get called out. Before you can fuck over anyone else. You know who you are. Quit being a deadbeat, loser, dickbag. PAY UP! Because Phase One….of destroying you on my blog? It’s gonna be a go! I promise! In fact…you’re damn lucky I’m not doing it RIGHT NOW...because trust me, the urge? It’s there!!!!!!

As for Phase Two? Well…I think you’re clever enough to figure that out! But let me share this with you. Because this is something I’ve discussed with a good buddy of mine…who thinks this idea would make for a #1 smash TV hit, were I ever to do it. Let’s hypothetically say I get a diagnosis that has me croaking in, lets say 9-12 months? Terminal! Like…I’m going to DEFINITELY die. Well…that’s when I pack up all the available firepower at my disposal, grab my buddy, and maybe a camera crew. Rent a sweet RV…and start a tour of the country. Knocking on doors of those who have a long-running debt and demanding payment. Because If I’m leaving this Earth? I’ll be damned if I’m doing it before I collect on EVERY DAMN DEBT that is owed to me, and putting it right in Carley’s college fund. You might think you can fuck ME over…but my daughter? Ha!!!!!!! Good luck with that!!!!! Plus? You will have the chance at letting me make you famous (or infamous) to the rest of the world!!!!! Good luck digging your way out of THAT hole of Loserdom!!!!!!

Okay. That should be about enough on THAT topic, yeah!??? Needed to get that off my chest!

Bar is almost open! Booked our flights to fly the girls and I…and our little sidekick, Abbey…down on June 14-19th. Barth booked us a charter on the most kickass 53′ yacht for a day of boating to the British Virgin Islands. Can’t wait! The bar itself looks amazing! Can’t wait to start making some money, too…as its been nothing but money going out, out and out since February! But he is down there doing EVERYTHING right! It’s gonna rock! I’ve invited any and everyone to come on down for the Grand Opening weekend…June 14-18th…we have bands and all kinds of special stuff planned. So far I have two, maybe three friends who are coming down and bringing their families.

I’m on another weight loss campaign. And its utilizing the oft-successful in the past Le-Vel/Thrive (see info on right-hand margin over there) Wow. I posted (on Facebook) that Robert Harwell and I are embarking on a challenge with each other…and while I already have the diet plan and exercise regiment all set up, I must have gotten about 10-15 emails from people telling me how I should go about losing the 20-25 lbs I am looking to shed. I guess if one doesn’t work, maybe one of those will!!!!!

Is this shit with Trump and the lunatic Liberals driving anyone else as crazy as it is me? I’m not gonna lie…I’ve almost completely quit watching the news altogether. I just don’t see the point. The Trump-haters are never gonna quit hating Trump. The Dem’s aren’t going to quit trying to impeach him. Ever. And Trump supporters just grow more and more galvanized because of all the BS being heaped at him. It’s human nature. Even if THEY (his voters/supporters) don’t LIKE Trump…he is THEIR Trump…and they’ll be damned if they aren’t going to support his ass while all these jerkoffs are trying to take him down 24/7/365. It just amazes me how completely STUPID the leadership of the Democratic party is. I mean…how can you not understand simple human nature? But they don’t. They truly don’t.

What IS their end-game anyway? Get Trump (somehow-despite a GOP majority in the House AND Senate…which BOTH have to vote to impeach him if its to happen) impeached and then what? They get Mike Pence? Who most diehard liberals think is even WORSE than Trump in a lot of ways? And in doing so (the impeachment) pissing off every conservative and probably even the moderate conservatives in this country SO much…that the thought of EVER voting for another Democrat in their lifetime would be about as possible as ME running and winning the presidency???? First, they will lose all of their remaining seats in 2018. Then? Well…there will be NO then. 2020 would be a hilarious cakewalk to a GOP re-election. It’s all so simple…and yet…these liberals just continue to march themselves in to the pits of hell. I love it. It really is comical and entertaining.

The Rangers won’t be winning the Stanley Cup again this season. Hence, for me, Hockey season is over.

The Seattle Mariners have nearly their entire starting pitching staff on the DL. And their two best hitters. Could be another long one for Mr. Monkey the Baseball Fan.

The Seattle Seahawks have a new beast mode I think. Eddie Lacy worked out with the founder of P90x last offseason and showed up to GB camp in the best shape ever. His first 3 games he was a monster…but then got hurt. Well Seattle has him now. And yeah…he came in overweight…but yesterday he cleared his first weight ‘hurdle’ and picked up 55k. I anticipate GREAT things out of him this year. Bad news? There are rumors and rumblings that management is contemplating picking up that douchecanoe Colin Slapperdick. I hate that guy. And I hated him BEFORE ‘KneelGate.’ I even DM’d Pete Carroll yesterday BEGGING him to NOT let that piece of shit step foot in a Seahawk locker room. We’ll see what happens.

Carley got sick this past week with strep throat and had to miss her graduation from Pre-K. Fortunately….she didn’t really care. Props to my kid. Graduation? From fucking Pre-K? For real? I hear they have the same shit from Kindergarten next year too. Stupid. You graduate twice, as far as I’m concerned…from High School, and from College. Period. The rest? Are just more idiotic ideas dreamed up by the parents of under-achievers. Fuck those clowns. If you’re kid is a loser…it’s probably because their parents were losers too. It’s called the Circle of Life. Deal with it!

Hmmm…are we done here for today? I think we are. Thanks for tuning in. More soon I promise.


PS: I did actually step out of the house to play some poker. Went to the Beau and played the $50k Guarantee a couple weeks ago. First bullet, busto! Second bullet…and the $600 last longer I had with this other guy…also busto. Raised on the button with JJ. Got called by BB with A9. Flop came 9-4-3. He led out. I raised. He shoved. “I am going to assume you have Ace Nine” and I called. Yup. Turn? Nine! Poker is great! And that…is my ONE bad beat story for this post!!!

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